From the mouth's of babes.

This morning I was on the verge of googling "how to make your toddler stop annoying you".

Honestly, the past couple of days I have had a dull headache, my eardrums are mad at me, my neck is sick of holding my head up and I just want to sit on the couch, watch Nanny McPhee, eat M&M's and nap at my own leisure. Heck, I will even settle for a trip to the potty BY MYSELF! Unfortunately, I don't have any PTO time from this job.

I had a mini episode after I put Adam down for his nap. I was debating on tackling the mess left by the morning's typhoons (you might know them as Eli and Adam) that had swept through the kitchen. Eli was standing at my knees whining about wanting to watch TV.

"But I want to watch TV, I don't want to do anything else!!!"

One can only handle so much of this.

Did I mention my head hurt?

I managed to distract him with a book about a boy and his dog. I became annoyed every time I would read a sentence and he would ask "Why was he scared?" or "Why didn't he like ghost stories".

I needed a break.

I told Eli that I would read this one book and then I needed some quiet time. Sounds reasonable, right? After I read the book I went to my room, sat down on the floor and began to weep. Pretty dramatic, right? I should have taken drama in high school...

Eli wandered in and asked me 12 times in the span of 30 seconds if he could go out in the back yard.

I just continued to weep. No shame. No trying to spare his feelings. Mommy's cry, too.

Eli hung his head upside down so he could get directly in my face.

"What's wrong, Mommy?"

"I am just really tired and my head hurts?"

"What's in you that makes you sick?"

"Nothing, honey, I am just tired."

"And your chest hurts?"

"No, just my head"

and then...

"God made you special and he doesn't want you to be sad."

Stunned..."You are absolutely right, Eli."

"He wants you to be happy, so be happy!"

Sometimes, it's just that simple. 

In John 10:10, Jesus says "The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy (peace, happiness, etc.); I have come so that they may have life and have it to the full".

Welp, I guess that about sums it up.

It's hard to remember this and live life to the full when Adam is sitting on the kitchen floor screaming "CRACKER" and it's up to me to figure out what he really wants. It's not always a cracker, you know. That's just baby code for put something in my mouth!

Or when Eli is being particularly inquisitive and I just need quiet for a moment so I can concentrate on finding Adam's pacifier...or cracker... or whatever he wants.

Or when Matt calls at 5:45 to announce that he is stuck out of town on a job and he doesn't know when he plans to be home.

Or worse.

When a loved one passes away after a long, painful fight with cancer (praying for you, Melissa. God see's you.)

Life here, on this planet, can suck sometimes. We have the urge to try to understand everything in hopes that we may find peace in the understanding. We rarely ever do. Look at Robin Williams. In fact, its been my experience, that understanding and the whole process of seeking it, has a tendency to suck the peace right out of us.

God knows this.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6

So, for today, I will decide to be happy. I am making that choice, headache or not.
I will find what makes me smile and hold it tight for as long as I can.
I will stop trying to figure it all out.
I will simply be in this moment, the one that was created just for me to be in.
This world has plenty of sorrow and sadness in it. I choose, today, not to add to it.

After all, God made me special. That makes me happy. My own personal cracker.

A glimpse into a moment of my day....

While riding in the car on the way home from Walmart, the following conversation took place.

Eli: Mommy?
Me: Yeah?
Eli: The windshield is on the outside of the window?
Me: (perplexed) What?

Silence....

Me: Oh, you mean; Are the windshield wipers on the outside of the window?
Eli: Yeah
Me: Yes, they are
Eli: Why?
Me : Because they have to wipe the rain off the windshield and the rain is on the outside.
Eli: That Daddy put on?
Me: Yes, Daddy put the windshield wipers on.
Eli: Why?
Me: To keep the rain off.
Eli: Why?

Cute, right?

I know one day I will look back and miss these conversations. In fact, I can't help but chuckle as I am writing this now. However, in the moment, when I have heard "Mommy?" and "Why?" for the quadrillionth time in a matter of a few hours, my ears hurt, my head has a mild fuzziness to it and I am developing a crazy laugh because its better than yelling "Shut Up!!!" and intentionally smacking my head of the steering wheel.

Being a mommy of a curious toddler is hard work. Physically, his brother requires more. More carrying up and down stairs, more chasing, more keeping out of toilet bowls, trash cans and the ever enticing wine rack. Eli taps me out mentally. I struggle to keep up! It is the hardest job I have ever had. He asks questions I don't think I ever thought to ask and then remembers when I use delay tactics in hope that he will forget. Example: You can eat an entire bag of chocolate chips and I will play cars with you for the 50th time today, after we run our errands. Hey, look at the dump truck!!

They are both tremendous blessings.
Even amidst my mental tantrum, they make me smile inside.
They are also the best sleeping pills EVER.... except when they're not.

Meanwhile, Adam just drools and smiles and occasionally surprises me with what he is has absorbed. Today while singing "Old McDonald Had A Farm" Adam wiggled off the couch, and pulled the Old McDonald book out of the drawer. Coincidence or quiet genius?

They truly are blessings from God.

I struggle with trying to find quiet time throughout the day to sit with God. I get frustrated and feel like I am not doing what God wants from me if I don't. I struggle to remember his yolk is easy and his burden is light (Matthew 11:30).  I realize now, that God is in these noisy moments, wanting me to enjoy these boisterous, relentless blessings and meet with Him here.

He is in the sound of Eli's voice.
He is in Adam's grin.
He is with me, blessing me, in every moment of my life.

It's good to be loved.

And to sleep... its good to sleep, too.

~Blessings

In the beginnning

Before I had kids I would blog occasionally. Now I can't recall the password or the email address associated with the old Emily blog, so I've decided take it as a hint to move on.
Start something new.
Address the world from my new pedestal, even if it is cracked, weathered, covered in boogers and ready to give out. It's Fine!

WE ARE ALL DOING JUST FINE.

I have three boys. The oldest is Matt, he will be 36 in November and he is my soul mate. The other two are Eli and Adam and they are 2 and 1 respectively.

I left work to stay home and be a mommy, cook, homemaker, nurse, teacher and best friend. I can build a mean road out of blocks, cardboard and painters tape. I know the name of almost every character in Cars and Cars 2. I have a clean house most of the time, dishes in the sink drive me crazy and I hate laundry.

Above all, I know that Jesus is driving this boat. My family and I are just  along for the ride, passing on what blessings we can and watching to see what God does next. If you care to join us, read on. I will try to blog regularly.

Remember that time I had a blog before I had kids and I forgot the passwords and stuff because I never blogged, even though I actually had the TIME then?!?

Sooooooo..... we shall see what comes of it.

Blessings!